Wednesday, November 9, 2011

I am a Worry Warrior!

I combat decision making with great ease and skill! There is no problem that I can't analyse to death! When faced with an issue I will use my shield of worry to hide myself from change! I proudly wield my sword of doubt and attack every good idea with skepticism and apprehension!
I come from a long line of Worry Warriors! Our tribe teaches each generation how to be full of anxiety and lack confidence!

Yes, I am a Worry Warrior!

I have always been a worrier! I can't think of a time in my life when I wasn't concerned with what people thought of me, what people were doing, if everyone was ok, if someone was mad at me, or if I've done something wrong.

It's been an endless cycle for me, and has led me to a place in my life where I am almost unmovable. :(
I am so worried about every thing that I don't do anything!

I've been trying to work on this the past few days (well years really) but the past few days have been a big focus for me.
Starting this blog has been super hard, since I'm honestly worried about grammar mistakes (I'm terrible with grammar and with spelling), worried about the content not being good or interesting, worried what people might say when they read this, worried that I might say the wrong thing.
There have been so many postings that I have deleted or haven't posted because I'm so worried what others might think.

The problem with worrying is that it's an exceptionally hard habit to break. How to do you turn off something that you've been trained to do and have done your whole life?

I have heard it a million times, "stop worrying so much.", "Just try not thinking about it". If only that worked. If only not thinking would work, but I have been cursed with a brain that NEVER sleeps! It's always on and always going. I have an extremely hard time relaxing and if it weren't for television I would never simmer at all. (TV is the only time I just zone out).
My brain is always a buzz with nonsense. Things that don't really matter. Going over conversations I've had, and planning conversations I might have.
I am a terrible sleeper. My brain doesn't shut off, so I'll lie in bed awake at night, even if I'm exhausted, and just think and plan, and think, and analyse, and plan and goes on and on.
My brain ruins beautiful moments too :( with its constant stream of things to worry about or scenario that "may" occur!
If only there were some way to put all this wasted energy to good use.

Even now, before I actually hit the bright orange "publish" button, I'm full of doubt and fear.

I've been wanting to post this blog on Facebook, but have been so worried who might read it, what they'll think of it, and what they'll think of me.

I'm not sure if I'm ready for all of that, for I am a Worry Warrior and probably always will be!


cdnkaro said...

Being honest in a public forum is difficult, but being honest with oneself is often much harder yet. My blog has brought about personal change, and I hope yours will do the same for you!

Mother Hen said...

Thanks :) so far it's been an interesting experience!